


always

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, insecure hyunjin, whipped minho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-14 22:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15398544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: hyunjin is insecure. minho loves everything about him.





	always

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if theres typos or errors, or if it seems rushed but i hope someone enjoys uwu

Hyunjin couldn't stand it.

He couldn't stand the way that these things went for him. How he pretends to be overly confident for the sake of others' view on him. How people constantly bring up his looks for every. little. thing. And how each comment that he hears pertaining to his appearance only becomes another insecure thought roaming back and forth inside of his head.

It's ruining him.

 

His day began with him dragging himself to school as early as possible. The sky was still dark which relieved him because not many people were out and he would not be seen so easily. The entire bus ride Hyunjin spent dreading the possibility of him walking into the dance studio and seeing someone already there. Dancing and being alone are his favorite things. So, if this didn't go as planned, he'll be very disappointed.

Luckily, no one is there. He steps into the empty, dark room switching the lights on and setting his bag down against one of the walls. After getting a few of his things together--towel, sweatband, shoes--he takes a good look at himself in the mirror and sighs.

 _Why am I like this?_ he thinks. _Why can't I see what everyone else tells me that they see? Why can't I just be me?_

Hyunjin shuts his eyes and walks away before he gets too into his thoughts. He hooks his phone up to the speaker, hoping to drown his thoughts in the music if its loud enough, and begins stretching for a few minutes, occasionally checking the clock on the wall to help him keep up with the time. He's got over an hour and a half until his first class.

After he's been practicing for a while, he breathes heavily, heart beating, and sweat falling from his soaked hair as he remains in the final position. The music stops marking the end of his choreography when someone is clapping in the back of the room.

Hyunjin stands upright abruptly, unsure of what to do or say. "You're really good," the boy says.

He quickly walks over to the speakers before the next song can begin playing. "Oh um. Thanks.." He says, feeling awkward that a a stranger had been here watching him practice for who knows how long. "Yeah, sorry I usually come here before school starts since that's the only time it's usually unoccupied. But, I can go if you want to-"

"Oh, no no it's okay. I mean, I should've figured that someone would beat me to it." The boy cuts him off, smiling at him. "I'm Minho, by the way. I didn't mean to scare you or anything, I was just waiting until you were finished. I'm surprised you didn't see me actually," He laughs, standing up from leaning against the wall.

"No it's fine. I'm Hyunjin," he hesitates.

The boy, Minho apparently, walks as if he's going to go up to Hyunjin but moves to set his things down beside the wall. "Do you..mind if I stay? I really don't want to stay in a classroom and I can't really just go back home at this point."

Hyunjin thinks that this is even worse than what he was dreading before. He didn't like dancing in front of people, especially not some random kid who was watching him without him even knowing.

But he couldn't say no. So, Minho gave him a thankful smile and got his things together to start practicing as well.

It wasn't that bad, Hyunjin decides once 8 AM comes and he and Minho part ways to their separate classes. Minho was actually really fun to talk to and even dance with. He showed Hyunjin some of his own choreographies before asking him to teach him some of his own. And they both agreed that they'd meet up again like that soon.

 

Days go by where Hyunjin and Minho come together in the mornings to dance. They end up forming a routine, completely unintended, that consists of Hyunjin arriving first and Minho showing up half an hour or so later. They take turns teaching each other choreographies and sometimes mix things up with freestyles and battles. And Hyunjin can't deny that he enjoys Minho's company.

They don't see each other much during school, both learning that they are 2 grade levels apart. But, they do wave or smile if they spot one another.

"Do you want to maybe hang out, outside of the studio sometime?"

They've just finished their session for the day and are getting their things together to get to class. Hyunjin realizes that he's actually never thought of seeing Minho outside of school or the studio. It just kind of felt like _their place._ But, he did like Minho a lot, so he couldn't see why not.

"Yeah, sure. That sounds good," Hyunjin tells him.

"Cool! Yeah, it's like this is the only setting I've ever seen you in," Minho teases and Hyunjin laughs.

 

 

 

"You're really beautiful, did you know that?"

Minho decided that he and Hyunjin could go out for dinner. Since he's kind of been having specific cravings lately and was running out of ideas on where to go. So, they sat at a local restaurant, talking about everything and nothing until Minho blurts out this comment.

"I, uh. Thanks," Hyunjin says, blushing but feeling awkward. He wondered when or _if_ Minho would say something about 'how handsome he is' or 'how strong his visuals were' just like how everyone else does at some point.

"Like the way that you move, when you're dancing I mean, it's just.. it's really special," Minho continues, catching Hyunjin a bit off guard.

"You think?" Hyunjin questions, meaning to whisper it to himself. No one usually praises Hyunjin much for these things. Actually, people even encourage him to take up modeling or acting instead of dance.

"Yes! You're so talented, I love watching you," Minho tells him. "Have you heard about the talent show that's coming up in a few weeks?" Minho continues, not minding Hyunjin's silent repsonse at his comment.

"Yeah," Hyunjin replies, still a bit shy.

"Do you know what you're going to do?"

"Who said I'm going to be in it?" He asks, surprised. Where did this even come from, Hyunjin wonders. He's never even imagined being in the talent show. Never in his life would he even want to participate in it. That's too many people watching him, judging him, creating their own opinions on him all at once. Even if he were to do it, he has nothing talented to show. Unless the audience would want to see him posing for 10 minutes. _Which they honestly probably would._

"What- come on, you have to do it!"

"Do what..?"

"Dance, of course."

No. Nope. Dancing is the only thing that Hyunjin can enjoy without feeling bad about himself. It's what helps him to relieve his stress and override his insecurities. It's the only thing that he has for himself; he isn't going to showcase something so special and personal to him "Yeah, like that would ever happen," he scoffs.

 

Hyunjin goes home that night thinking of Minho. He thinks that he's different from anyone else that he knows. He loves to dance, and dance with Hyunjin. He loves to talk with Hyunjin about things-- so. many. things. He makes Hyunjin forget about everything else when they're together. He sees more to Hyunjin than just his face.

But, Hyunjin doesn't really see what _he_ offers to their friendship. All Hyunjin does is dance and give smiles as responses. He isn't as funny as Minho, talented as Minho, interesting as Minho, _attractive_ as Minho. He wonders why Minho even cares to hang out with him, and what he loves so much about being with him.

But, they begin to go out more together anyway. They go to coffee shops, parks, to eat, or sometimes just walk together going nowhere.

That's what they're doing when Minho tells him.

"You know," he starts. They're both stopped on a small bridge, looking out at the river below. The sun is near its set, and Minho sees the sunlight shining against Hyunjin's skin and reflecting in his eyes. "You're really great, Hyunjin."

Hyunjin doesn't respond, waiting for Minho to elaborate on the random comment.

Minho did this a lot--randomly complimented Hyunjin. (Like during their time at the park, with Minho's head in Hyunjin's lap as he played with his hair a bit. Minho told Hyunjin that he's got a really pretty voice, even though Hyunjin doesn't even remember when Minho's heard anything other than him talking. But, it was just then when he was humming along to the music being played by the street musician down the street.)

But, it still always surprised Hyunjin. Because what in the world did he do for Minho to say it? He's not as special as Minho makes him out to be, he thinks.

"I didn't even do anything," he shakes his head with a small, sad smile.

"Oh, that's the thing, you didn't have to," Minho tells him, so calm, so freely. So sincere.

"Nah, there's really nothing great about me," Hyunjin brushes it off. "I'm just like any other regular person." He realizes that the further this conversation goes on, the more down that his feelings get. He really means it when he rejects these words that he's told.

"Are you kidding?" Minho scoffs, looking over at Hyunjin. The sky has gotten darker, and the sunlight has gone away only for the moonlight to take it's place to glow against Hyunjin's skin. And Minho wonders how much more beautiful can he get?

Hyunjin just gives Minho a look as if to say _No, why would I be joking about this?_ And Minho's entire demeanor changes.

"Really? Hyunjin, you have no idea of your potential, do you? You don't see all that you're capable of, and everything that you've achieved?" Hyunjin listens while continuing to look out at the river. These aren't words that he's used to hearing, so he's unsure of how to respond.

"I haven't achieved anything. I don't do anything that is worth complimenting me for. Unless you want to count my face as an achievement like everybody else, then no I've really got nothing."

Minho is a bit speechless to hear Hyunjin say these things about himself. All of these thoughts begin to flood his head about how much he admires Hyunjin, how amazing he thinks that he is, how happy he is to know him, that the words leave his mouth before he can stop them.

"Hyunjin, I really like you." Hyunjin looks up and over at Minho who is walking towards him. "And it really sucks to know that you probably won't see why. But, I do. I have since I first met you."

But, Hyunjin doesn't know if he can do this. He doesn't know if he can let Minho in just to end up messing things up like always does (but doesn't mean to do). He can't do it. It wouldn't be fair.

"Why?" Hyunjin blurts out.

Minho looks at the stars shining in Hyunjin's eyes. "Because- look at you, all of you. I like the way your eyes sparkle even when these lights aren't reflecting on them. I like the way you know what you want and you don't let anything get in the way of you getting it. I like everything that you do, and everything about you. Every single part of you, inside, out, and all that's in between," he realizes how much he's saying all at once and calms down a bit, "It all adds up to make you, you. And you're so beautiful. I'll do anything to get you to see it, too." 

There's no doubt that Hyunjin likes Minho, too. He likes spending time with him and talking with him and doing everything with him. He loves how he can depend on Minho and how Minho tells him things about himself that he's never heard before. But, it also scares him. He can't risk their friendship getting ruined by Hyunjin's exhaustingly low self esteem, he thinks. So he walks away.

"Hyung, I.. I'm sorry. I like you, too. A lot. I really do, but.. I don't know if I can. I'm sorry, but I can't do that to you."

"Do what Hyunjin? You can't be that stubborn to not consider my feelings for you."

"I can't have you dealing with someone like me," Hyunjin says dryly.

"Well, you're exactly the kind of person that I want to deal with, Hyunjin."

But, Hyunjin has nothing more to say as his bad thoughts have already taken over his mind.

So with that he goes, too many emotions racking up inside of him as he hears Minho's yells for him fade away.

 

 

Hyunjin doesn't show up to his daily morning dance practices the next days. To say that it hurt Minho a bit is an understatement- well, it _kills_ Minho. A lot. He doesn't know what is happening actually. He would never want to make Hyunjin uncomfortable, but he will understand if he did. He likes Hyunjin, so much that he wishes he could be on the end that helps him solve his problems instead of the one causing them.

But, a week later, Hyunjin does come. Only this time after Minho.

"Hey.." he says when he walks in. Minho is in the middle of practicing when he sees Hyunjin and is, well, really happy to see him. Surprised, but still happy.

"Hey. Haven't seen you in a while.." Minho says, taking sips of his water. "It's kind of boring dancing without a partner actually."

Hyunjin laughs a bit until Minho breaks the silence.

"What's going on, Hyunjin?" The question sounds like a casual 'How are you?' to Hyunjin until Minho continues before he can respond. "I-I'm sorry if I haven't been fun enough or good enough, but I.. I just don't know what I did wrong.  I...just want to be with you." He says the last part in a whisper.

Hyunjin remained still and silent, thinking about everything. About Minho, about himself, about dancing, about his life. "I'm sorry, Minho. It's just.. really hard these days for me," he tells him, which isn't a total lie but also isn't the complete truth.

Minho makes his way over to him, "You can tell me about it. If you want to.. I'm always here for you."

Hyunjin's thoughts are such a mess at this point that he doesn't realize he's shedding tears until he feels them rolling down his cheeks.

Minho was out of words at this point. Because of his own confusion. Because of the vulnerability that he knew Hyunjin was feeling.

"I'm sorry, I really am," Hyunjin managed to get out, small cries interrupting him. "I tried not to let it come between us, but I just feel so bad."

Minho listened patiently, "About what? What do you feel bad about?"

"About everything, Minho." Hyunjin stood up from the hold that Minho had him in, wiping at his cheeks. "About killing myself over this. About hurting you because of it. Minho, you mean a lot to me, really so much. I don't know what I'd do without you, but I don't know why you think that I even deserve you. I can't put you through this, Minho. _You_ deserve better. You're more than enough for me, so much that it hurts me that I can't be enough for _you_. You..you make me feel better and _safe_ , knowing that there is someone who's actually willing to put up with me, that there is someone who actually cares about me. I don't think I'll ever understand why you do.. But I'll always be grateful for it. So please don't think that you did anything wrong, Minho, everything you do for me is perfect. You're perfect Minho, I'm..I'm sorry that I'm not."

Minho watches Hyunjin attentively as he speaks to him. If he though that he was at a loss of words before, well, at this point he's forgotten the entire language.

"Hyunjin, I.. What would ever make you think that you aren't enough for me? That I don't deserve you?"

"It's just me- everything about me. I hate it," Hyunjin responds impulsively. He isn't used to sharing his feelings to others, especially his deepest, darkest ones that haunt and destroy him constantly every single day of his life. The feelings that get in the way of all of his relationships, the feelings that pull and tug at his health so much that he doesn't even know what is going on anymore.

"No.. why? There's nothing about you to hate. Not a single thing," Minho says becoming softer to hear Hyunjin say something so bad about himself.

"But there is. There's.. everything. The way I look, the way I speak, the way I move and act and breathe and live," Hyunjin lets out. "I can't deal with it anymore." It's not as detailed as his never-ending cursing thoughts that he lives with are, but it's enough to get the idea across.

After a moment of trying to take all of it in, Minho sighs. "Well, you're wrong. You couldn't be any more wrong, Hyunjin. You have no idea how I see you-- how I feel when I look at you, or think of you. Hyunjin, if anyone's perfect it's you. If anyone is deserving of love and care and praise, it's you. I care about you so much. I...love you so much," Minho hesitates. " Even if you don't understand it, Iwill understand. But, please just know that and remember it. Always remember it, Hyunjin."

At this point, Minho is on crouched down in front of Hyunjin whose head is being held in his hands until Minho moves them so their eyes can meet. "Can you do that for me, please? Just remember it," Minho says removing Hyunjin's hands from his face and holding them gently, "And don't ever doubt it. That _I love you."_

"Okay," Hyunjin says softly, sniffling. "I love you, too. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. You don't apologize for anything. I'm here for you, okay? I want to know everything that bothers you so that we can deal with it and fix it together." Minho assures Hyunjin, cupping his face in his own hands now, using his thumbs to wipe away any tears as Hyunjin nods in response. He starts to run one over his face, thumb gliding over his eyebrow to his temple then down to and along his jaw until it stops at his chin.

And Minho kisses him sweetly, the slight taste of Hyunjin's tears on their lips.

"Hating Hwang Hyunjin," Minho scoffs once they pull away. "Imagine that.. It's not even realistic. I'd have to have a serious talk with someone that found a fault in you. And kick their ass maybe if it got too mad." He says playfully, Hyunjin smiling in response.

And Hyunjin thinks that maybe, just _maybe_ , he can do better-- he can _be_ better. So that he can be the best Hyunjin that he can be. Just for Minho. As long as he's got Minho, he thinks, it will always be worth it. _Always._


End file.
